Serpent's Tongue
by Intoxicated Gnu
Summary: Oscar's looking to manipulate. Or perhaps, he's looking to be manipulated. He finds himself in the chains of dangerous attractions and strange temptations, with no name to his feelings. Throwing himself into the jungle to please his boss, Oscar risks losing himself in the embrace of a serpent. Meanwhile, Jigen just wants Goemon to disappear for a while. Goemon wants...?
1. The Chaser

A hand rubbed his shuddering back as the sobs shook him beyond control. "It's okay," the inspector rasped into his ear.  
Oscar tried to suck up the snot and saliva. "I failed…" he muttered, his voice choked with sobs. "How can I ever be a real inspector like you?" He looked at the collar of Zenigata's coat with blurred eyes, too afraid to meet the man's eyes.  
"It's fine," Zenigata assured him. "We all make mistakes."  
"But…" Oscar rubbed violently at his eyes before looking the man in the face. "What if he had gotten away with it? That poor lady…"  
Zenigata shook his head. "The old lady would have been fine. She only had five dollars on her anyway."  
Oscar clenched a fist in his lap. "It doesn't matter! I didn't catch him. What if she had needed that five dollars to feed her family or something?"  
Zenigata sighed. "Things don't always work out. You can't let it eat away at you like that. If you can't do it, then… you might not be cut out for this."

Zenigata had suspected as much for some time, but he had sealed his lips in trying to give the rookie a chance. Though he had nearly given up the last time, when Oscar had insisted he be arrested for accidentally short-changing the convenience store clerk ten cents.

Oscar grabbed Zenigata's hand with eager, misty eyes. "I won't let you down, Inspector. I'll prove myself. Why don't we try a new strategy? We'll weed out the others in Lupin's gang: Daisuke Jigen and Goemon Ishikawa. I promise I'll do it! For you!"  
Zenigata stared Oscar down. He knew that look of determination. That look meant business. "Of course you will."  
His sidekick grinned in elation. "I know just what to do!"  
When Oscar ran off like that, it never seemed like good news, but Zenigata let a pleasantly neutral look settle upon his face as he stood, coat billowing in the wind.

That was something seriously wrong with that kid.

Lupin sighed, scanning the place for any method of distraction. The bar sluts weren't around so early and he would have preferred some motorboats to a serious conversion. "Jigen…" He refilled Jigen's drink, knowing he would never stay otherwise. "Have you noticed Goemon acting a little… weird?"  
Jigen choked on his Slippery Titty, the house special and the reason they always stopped by that bar. "Goemon? Weird? What are you talking about?" He dropped the remainder of the drink down his gullet and signaled for more. "Goemon's… you know. He never changes." Jigen bit the inside of his mouth, which tasted delicious. _He's gonna kill me._  
Lupin shrugged, taking no notice to Jigen's suspicious behavior. "I guess. I don't know, he's been looking at me funny. And Fujiko said she was concerned and…" Lupin was too, but he knew Jigen wouldn't understand. "I guess so." Lupin solemnly stared down the counter as he went over the issue in his head.

His new drink in hand, Jigen took a long sip. "You're no fun when you're all mopey. Why don't you go find a broad or something?"  
Lupin looked up hopefully. It was rare that Jigen _suggested_ that. "You understand me so well… Jigen-chan."  
Lupin slipped away before the glass could hit him.

From behind tinted lenses, pointed eyes watched the fingers caressing the glass, the reckless way in which the man poured the poison down his throat. Oscar, in the guise of a bored and rich woman, held a glass up to his red-coated lips. As he mentally noted every blemish on the man's face, he wrapped his tongue around an ice cube and bit hard enough to crack it. The man did not look up. Oscar sneered inwardly, letting the cool liquid pour down his throat before he took his glass and downed the rest of it, moving to push himself up. He'd worked on his stride well for his role, his free hand a delicate, feathered bird perched on his waist as he beckoned the bartender over.

His order was caught in his throat as someone else approached the man first. Oscar's eyes went wild with irritation. Had his sunglasses not hid them, his cover might have been blown. Instead, Oscar moved away without explaining himself, pretending to be busy organizing the contents of his clutch as he watched the two at the bar. The other person had their hands resting on Jigen's shoulders, almost as if they were meant to massage. With amusement and likely a comment from the bearded man, they were moved and the person sat down beside Jigen instead. Oscar glanced at the photos in his clutch after ensuring that nobody else could see them.

It was Goemon Ishikawa. Oscar's paste-on manicured fingers dug into his pale skin; he wanted to think of it as luck, but his plans relied on catching them alone. Jigen was the easiest to capture, often separating himself from the others due to his lone wolf nature. If Oscar could leave a lasting impression on the man's mind, then perhaps all was not lost. Oscar began to refresh his coral red lipstick, his eyes straying from the mirror.

Jigen did little to acknowledge the arrival. "I told you not to bother me in public."  
Goemon pulled Jigen's cup over to steal a sip. "You are that worried about your image, Jigen?"  
Jigen thought on this. If he were to answer honestly whether or not he was embarrassed to be seen with the man, the answer would be yes. At least a little bit. But that wasn't the problem. "I'm worried about _your_ image." He stole back his drink, moving it out of Goemon's reach.  
"Hmm..." Goemon sat back, giving Jigen a more subtle glance. "Is something bothering you?"  
"We'll talk about it later," Jigen said, swinging his chair around and leaving.

Oscar was stunned. He didn't know what had happened. What surprised him was his own lack of ability. It had been so difficult to concentrate on the gruffy one while the lithe samurai was around. It was the way the Ishikawa man held himself. There was something weirdly interesting about it. It seemed as though the man were taking part in some sort of graceful flirtation without care about how his partner felt about it. Or rather, Oscar worried that something within him had decided that, that nothing of the sort had been going on at all. His mind could only go in circles; the man was far too interesting, and sadly Oscar was in the wrong disguise to attract interest from him. It was for the best, as little as Oscar knew of him. Yet as Oscar turned to make his exit, he caught dark eyes watching him back. _Did he know?_ Oscar thought in repetition during his drive home.


	2. Dirty Little Secret

Oscar needed a new idea. Goemon Ishikawa was a man of honor, a man of taste. That made him the most difficult to target in the entire group. Perhaps that was why he wanted so badly to make it work, as if the rest of them weren't challenge enough. He wanted to believe that they weren't, but he couldn't underestimate him when even the ever-strong Zenigata could not keep them in his grasp.

_Zenigata…_ Oscar's fingertips grazed the glass which reflected his mussed wig and smeared lipstick. He had been much too bothered to get any sleep and cared little about what he looked like while he was alone—rather, he had been much too obsessed with coming up with a new plan to think about the disguise that was still on. The man would spit on him if he could see. Oscar didn't tend to inform Zenigata about his tactics, thinking they didn't matter so long as they worked. But Oscar had applied the reddest lipstick and donned the shortest dress that wouldn't give him away, and all it had gotten him was a mess of confusion. _You look ridiculous_, he could hear his inspector's rough voice whisper, disjointed within his mind.

He clenched his teeth until his jaw was numb, the muscles in his arms twitching. How could he let himself look so stupid? He had to be presentable at all times—perfect at all times! He tore the fabric from his body with his pocket knife, needing to get the offending dress away from him, needing to destroy it. He stomped on it, and when it was filthy from the street dirt on the heels he still wore, he burned it.

He kicked the heels off of his feet, one knocking a hole into the wall while the other landed perfectly next to the trash can. Now well and nearly naked, Oscar started pacing the room once more, never thinking of things like the need for sleep. If Ishikawa was a tough man, then he, too, would be tough. He just needed a plan. Perhaps… something that involved dressing like a woman. And knives.

Oscar stopped in his tracks. It was the most wonderful thing. In fact, it was the only thing that could work. It had to be. Ishikawa was a traditional sort of man. Oscar avoided such disguises, his lack of full Japanese heritage a setback, yet he had confidence in his abilities. If he could pull off such a disguise and make himself appear pitiful enough to reel in the man… "Yes…" He just needed to learn how to use a sword as if he always had been able to, just to ensure his persona was perfect.

Goemon heard the click of the door. He already knew what it was and continued slathering the color upon his lips, looking at Jigen expectantly from the mirror.  
Jigen felt sick, seeing the cause for concern. "What the hell are you doing?"  
"It's my color," said Goemon, capping the tube to dab at his lips so that it would look more matte.  
"That's not what I mean!" Jigen locked the door behind him before looking closer at Goemon's face. "I can't tell it's there."  
Goemon had a small, victorious glimmer in his eye. "Exactly!" He laughed at Jigen's ignorance; expecting him to abandon everything that made him himself wasn't going to happen. In fact, he was happy he could be himself around Jigen, or he didn't think he could keep it up forever.

Jigen sighed, letting the matter go. "Look, Lupin was trying to… he seemed worried. I guess. He thinks you're acting weird." His eyes lingering on the lipstick for a moment, he looked back up to Goemon's face. "I agree. Stop it."  
Goemon heaved a heavy sigh. "I thought that might be the case," he said regretfully. "He might be starting to think I'm gay."  
"You are," Jigen said as Goemon rose before him.  
"Not too gay to bed you!"  
Jigen paused, not knowing how to take that. "…Huh?"

Before he could think, Goemon tugged at his tie and pinned him down by the arms on the chaise lounge that Goemon now insisted upon having in his bedroom. Jigen wriggled in an attempt to pull his arms out of the surprisingly strong hold.  
Goemon smirked. "Come on, you'll be the octopus and I'll be Octopussy," he said in a low, husky voice.  
Jigen managed to free one of his arms and shoved Goemon away by the chest.  
He backed off with a sigh, standing back up and pushing his hair out of his face. "Alright, alright." Goemon was disappointed by Jigen's lacking of the fascination with sea creatures that made Lupin so easy to toy with. "We might have a problem, indeed. Fujiko caught me in the act."  
Jigen straightened himself out, his outfit only looking as disorganized as his natural coolness allowed it to. "I told you getting Lupin wasted wasn't enough to make it work forever."  
Goemon shook his head. "I didn't think she'd be home so soon. I was trying on her pantyhose."  
"What?" Jigen tensed, but managed to restrain himself. "Why would you be such an idiot!?"  
Goemon turned away from Jigen's anger, reminiscing aloud, "It's not like I haven't worn them before. I didn't think she'd mind."  
_Didn't think she'd mind!?_ Jigen wanted to cry. "Well, she hasn't told anyone. She probably wants something. As long as… as long as he doesn't find out." Jigen stared at the floor, his anger replaced with anxiety. "Lupin can't find out."

For the first time, Goemon felt true remorse for jeopardizing their secret. With no sexual intent—well, not really anyway, he lay a hand on Jigen's knee.  
Jigen's voice seemed to press forward, as if admitting it all would release the pressure built up within, "If Lupin knew that the real Goemon was… dead… because of me…"  
All of the nurturing sympathy within "Goemon" welled up in his chest, and just as he thought about taking advantage of Jigen's situation, in his room, on his lounge, about to break down, he heard someone calling his name.  
The two shot up like bullets. Goemon was used to keeping an unnaturally straight posture, so that much was easy for him. "We can't go in at the same time or it'll look suspicious. Stay here for a moment. Not too long."

Lupin slapped Goemon on the back. "Looks like someone's not as much of a wet blanket as we thought," he said with a chuckle.  
Confused, Goemon approached the door that Lupin seemed to be regarding in silence. A girl flung her arms around his neck without warning, her cheek finding a resting place on his shoulder. He gave her an awkward pat. "Who are you?"  
The woman seemed to catch herself and raised her head with teary eyes. "Yes, of course you would not remember me. I… was always watching you from afar." Oscar tried not to let himself falter with the truth that rung in the calculated statement. "I felt like I knew you. Excuse me. My name is Kiriko. Motoyama Kiriko. I did not know where else to go." The woman bowed to him, her face burning in shame of her outburst.

Goemon did not know what to make of the woman. She was cute, and her flushed face was irresistible, but something was off about her. It was more difficult without knowing whether or not he should find the name familiar. "Then, Motoyama. Tell me what the trouble is. How did you find me?" He wondered if it was one of his old _friends_ playing a joke on him, though he didn't think any of them knew what had become of him.  
Oscar made sure not to meet his eyes and to keep his voice hesitant. "When I heard Mr. Lupin was in town, I thought maybe… maybe I could find you. As it turns out, Mr. Lupin was pleased to make himself accessible."  
"Anything for a pretty lady," Lupin commented obnoxiously in the background.  
"I did not feel comfortable coming in without your permission. When I saw you… I suppose I lost control." The color of the woman's face was hot and Oscar was disgusted to admit to himself that he could not have faked it that much.  
"Kiriko…" Goemon was surprised to find he felt a sort of bond with this girl, almost as if he really had known her. He supposed any man would feel the same when approached in such a way. "May I… escort you to my room?" Despite what Lupin likely thought, Goemon knew exactly where he was going with this and gulped.  
"Yeah, get a room you two!" Lupin whooped, the two ignoring him as Kiriko nodded and allowed Goemon to lead the way.

Goemon was pleased to find the room empty upon his return. He motioned for the girl to take a seat, studying her every quality. The girl, sad as she looked, had a knowing stare. He wanted to be suspicious, but something in him rejected those instincts. Instead, he placed a hand on her shoulder. "Kiriko, speak."  
Kiriko sobbed, and it was only a partial act. Somehow, the man's gentleness made Oscar doubt his own decisions, his perfect planning. "I…" His voice wavered. "It was horrible." He lunged herself into the man's chest one more, thinking that if he didn't have to look into his eyes, it would be easier to lie out of his teeth. As he basked in Goemon's warmth, he worried that even that was a mistake. "I… My family…" He had to choke out the feminine voice, wanting to spill all of his secrets for reasons unknown. "I… shamed them." He knew that Goemon would understand, having given up on many of his own traditions to coexist with thieves. The anger of injustice boiled under Oscar's skin, not knowing who to direct it towards. "And they… wanted to make me pay…"

"That is enough." Faked or not, he did not wish to hear the girl recount such events. "You need not say anymore." Goemon held the girl, letting her lean against the bare skin of his chest for comfort.  
"Goemon," Oscar breathed, closing his eyes against the onset of nausea. He leaned onto the man more and rose to seek out his lips, which met his in the sort of kiss Oscar wasn't quite prepared for, even with his vulnerable expression in full blast.  
Goemon knew he had gone too far, something his predecessor would never have done. He removed himself from the girl. "I apologize. That was out of line."  
Oscar wished he could wipe the stupid blush off of his cheeks that threatened to ruin his plans. "It's alright. I'm happy that you'd… want me…" Oscar knew he was dazed when he relied on half-truths to get out of lying. After all, Goemon was making it _much_ easier than had been expected. He opened up his kimono enough to show off a little bit of cleavage—too much and it would ruin his guise, so he relied on the man's self-control to keep things in Oscar's favor. "Goemon…?" he whispered, tentatively drawing his lips near one more. Oscar was not disappointed when Goemon gripped his shoulders and took his mouth without restraint.

Goemon knew somewhere inside that he was making the dumbest mistake a man, especially in his position, could possibly make. Had he truly been an Ishikawa, he would have known better and that alone could tip someone off on Jigen's little secret. But he'd never gotten by in life by caring about consequences and found it much more fun to live by whim. Being a healthy man surrounded by people he had to hold back around, his whims told him one thing and one thing only. Her hands teased the edges of his clothing as she lay beneath him, engaged in a deep kiss. Whatever hesitations he had, it was too late.

Oscar made sure to keep the man's hands too busy to remove his outfit. Even so, he had to act fast. Goemon was getting a little too friendly with them to keep it up much longer and the man's sword lay mere feet away. He could complete the mission in a fraction of a second and escape through the window before anyone took notice. A secret compartment in his kimono held the key: a syringe. Oscar knew how those things went. It was about going for the kill. It was too easy; he needed only to pretend to undress and keep Goemon busy for a moment longer and nothing more. The man would be in such agony that he couldn't scream for help if he wanted, and Oscar would make the inspector proud.

So why was it that he couldn't move his hand? He gripped the robes of the man above him, trying to force his eyes out of the paralysis that kept them shut. He was about to be victimized by a criminal if he couldn't _move_. Panic overtook Oscar as his eyes burned with tears and he tried in vain to breathe through another man's lungs.

His senses were muddled, dulled. The first thing he could register was the relief of the pressure on his body. "Kiriko?" he heard Goemon ask. Oscar took in a shuddering breath. "Get away from me!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, as though it wouldn't come out any other way. He used all of his power to push the man away from him, rolling off and making a run for it.

Oscar ran as far and as quickly as the adrenaline feeding him allowed him to force himself, with no direction or aim other than escape. When he felt his energy beginning to wane, he pulled himself into an ally, shaking with anger and likely exhaustion. Why couldn't he do it? When he had finally been close to achieving something—one thing in his entire life! Something that would inspire pride in the man he cherished most! It was so simple, and he'd planned it so perfectly. _Why?_

His head crashed against the bricks. A more perturbing thought invaded his mind. What if there was no one to blame but himself? What if he didn't want to carry out the plan? Maybe he _wanted_ to be with Goemon, thought that being with Goemon would help him find what he was looking for… make the emptiness within him stop throbbing… fulfill him. The word _faggot_ swarmed Oscar's mind as his body dropped to the cold ground and the sobs poured out of him.


	3. Cornered Rat

It was cold in Zenigata's car. Or maybe it was the lack of sleep and shelter. Zenigata didn't believe in wasting energy on things like artificial heat. Oscar clenched his muscles, holding onto his knees to keep himself from visible shivers.  
Zenigata did not look bothered by the temperature. "I should beat you for what you did."  
Oscar stared at the sidewalks that passed him by. "You wouldn't be the first," he mumbled. Gasping inaudibly, Oscar fought to keep control of his movements. What had that been? His face heated at the notion that Zenigata had heard something unnecessary. He forced the saliva to go down before testing the water with a glance. Zenigata's face was tight, just as it had been when he'd entered. Oscar looked away again to avoid looking suspicious. Why had he said something so stupid?  
"You don't just disappear for a week. You knew how to contact me." It was another moment before Zenigata finished his thought, "I thought they were using you as a hostage, but I never heard anything."  
Oscar turned away further to hide his face. He was usually so much better at coming up with excuses. Why couldn't he have said something about those awful criminals? "I'm sorry."  
"That'd be fine if you hadn't jumped in front of my car!"  
Yet another stupid mistake. Oscar had been wandering around that morning and had been so surprised to see what he recognized as Zenigata's car that it had been his first instinct. "I'm sorry."  
"That isn't an explanation."  
Oscar had none to give. He had been so determined to make Zenigata proud that he hadn't thought of the consequences. And then there was the matter of that other man...

Zenigata sighed when Oscar didn't try to explain himself given the chance. Instead, Oscar looked pensive and sick. They were symptoms Zenigata had seen before. He wanted to grill Oscar harder for some answers, shake the silence out of the poor kid, but he knew that wasn't going to help the matter.  
Zenigata was angry. He should have tried harder to reject the kid's enthusiasm, to warn him of the things he would see. He should have pulled the kid out at the first sign of discomfort.

He remembered his time as a rookie. No one was there to give him any help and he'd turned out just fine. Years later, that was. It had been rough in the beginning, and he'd been ready to quit more than enough times. He'd stake his life on every soul in that department being haunted. Duty won out because it had to, but peace of mind was always lost in the process. With Oscar's impressive determination and strength, he seemed to have forgotten that.

"Oscar." Stopped and safe, Zenigata shook Oscar's arm. "Look at me." The kid didn't budge. Zenigata cursed under his breath as the light turned green and pressed forward on the petal. There was a change in plans. He'd get the darn kid help if it killed him.

Goemon was confused, to put it lightly. He'd been so sure he'd been outed and the girl was just playing smart with him. He'd thought he could figure something out if... Well, maybe that _was_ something else. _Jeeze_, Goemon thought, tapping his head on the table. He couldn't think about things like that. He laughed, spacing out once more as he thought about that girl, whom he was almost certain was a man, though that might have been wishful thinking, red in the face... panting hard... and those scary, but fascinating eyes.

"Goemon, what'cha laughin' like a girl about? Here I thought you screwed up with that chick." Lupin shot him an amused grin. "I just knew you'd figured out what being a man was all about and scared her off. Samurais have a lot of stamina, huh?" Lupin was too happy to have a laugh at his friend's expense, knowing that would never be the case.

"U-..." Goemon tried so hard to fight off any human-like reaction, his eye twitched. He was losing himself in his thoughts. Catching a dirty look from Jigen, Goemon decided to play it silent and eat his food of disgusting, snotty soy beans because he couldn't have the waffles like a normal person. Sighing, he wished to know what had happened to make the girl, girl or not, so suddenly upset. Lupin's joking assumptions may have been right after all. Even so, he had the feeling that he would see that girl again—that it was his destiny, and thus, he cheered up. He made sure not to let that show, however.

Oscar closed his eyes, as if that could shut the world around him out. He didn't want to be in it anymore. He'd become a disappointment. He'd failed the man who'd given him life.

_"No signs of permanent brain damage. Likelihood of regaining memories unknown. No identity match found."__  
__A slam. "Idiot, he's awake. You're scaring him." The man wore a hat, a scowl. His voice was damaged from smoke._

From then on, he'd refused to acknowledge anyone else. He'd taken those features as symbols of comfort. He could sleep as long as they were there.

_"That bastard got away again."_

_A sigh. "What am I doing here?"_

_"I had a dog named Oscar once."_

_"Finally caught the jerk. I'm going back to Japan."_

Silently from his bed, he'd vowed to get revenge on those who disturbed the man. He'd vowed to devote himself to stopping the criminals, because if they weren't good enough for a man like Zenigata, who wasn't discerning with anything in life, then they weren't good enough to exist.

_"I got an hour to kill so... Thought I'd say goodbye.__  
__Kind of silly. I'll bet you don't even understand me.__  
__The doctor says you'll be out of that bed soon, though.__  
__Bye, kid."_

_His body listened to him for the first time since he'd arrived. He grabbed onto the first thing within his reach.__  
__"I'm coming with you."_

Oscar's blood boiled in opposition with his foolishness in thinking it was so easy. He'd thought serving the person he owed everything to would be all he needed, yet it wasn't true. The elation he got from doing something right was there, but he was always compensating, reaching for something. And then something he hadn't predicted had happened, and he almost felt like it was in his sights.

It frightened him. What did a criminal have to do with anything? Was it all in his mind? Did he play the part too well—well enough to fool even himself? Was he missing so much of his heart that he would gladly fill it with anything he could contrive? His heart drummed in his chest. If he had made himself fall in love with Goemon, then he would have to fix it. That was all.

"Oscar," he heard beside him, felt the man's touch. "Look at me."

He didn't. He had already caused problems for the man that week, something he had vowed never to do. It was unforgivable. He couldn't get Zenigata involved in his problems anymore. It was for him to deal with and him alone. The answer was simple: if he was in love with Goemon Ishikawa, then he would just have to kill them both. In slow, quiet movements, he released the buckle of his seatbelt and unlocked the door. "You remind me of someone I admired once."  
Beside him, Zenigata looked up in surprise. "Huh?"  
"Inspector Zenigata... Goodbye." He jumped out without waiting for the vehicle to lose speed.

Jigen looked to his side before double checking that Lupin wasn't coming through the doorway. "This isn't working out."  
Goemon didn't flinch, but did squirm under the grim look. "Come now. No need to be so serious." He paused, knowing he would have to choose his words carefully. He had made a deal with a dangerous criminal, after all. "I know that we've had our difficulties. Don't forget I was doing you a favor."  
Jigen grunted in acknowledgment, though his expression didn't change.  
"It's not like we were going to keep this up forever. Maybe… it's getting time to retire this façade. It doesn't really fit me. And you must be going _crazy_ constantly distracted by my good looks – I'm sorry!" Goemon put his hands up, waiting for the cold metal on his temple to lower before dropping them.  
Jigen sighed. "You know why I needed you here." Goemon had been getting on his nerves far too much. He didn't need a second Lupin around. "If you retired… That'd be great, but my secret…"  
Goemon flashed a look of pity. "You did care for your friend, didn't you?"  
After a drawn out moment of silence, Jigen put his gun away. "I won't kill you. You've hidden my disgraceful secret this long. Just… don't ruin it for me. If Lupin found out…"  
"That's all you care about?" Goemon grinned, patting Jigen's arm in excitement. "Don't worry! I won't say a word. I'll find a way out of this and make it look good."  
Relief flooded Jigen's veins like a good shot of whiskey. "Then it is for the best," he said, beaming with unspoken gratitude.

Any confidence in the matter had diminished by the time they met with Lupin. Lupin had come home with dinner, given it to Goemon to cook, and left until it was finished. The three sat around the table, Lupin shoving food in his face and blabbering about his new aim while Goemon feigned his usual annoyance and Jigen waited for the world to fall on their heads.  
"Oh man, that body," Lupin giggled, coughing when he choked on a few grains of rice. He grabbed Goemon's tea to wash them down with before continuing, "She's such a hot little vixen, waiting for Daddy Lupin to take her away. They say the guy that sculpted her knew his women if you know what I mean."  
Jigen rolled his eyes as Lupin looked his way in anticipation.  
"Anyway, poor girl's locked up in all sorts of horrendous devices! I'm sure you can get rid of some of those, right, Goemon?" He leaned Goemon's way, batting his eyes.  
Goemon groaned, lowering his rice bowl and placing it gently on the table. "There is something I must discuss with you."  
"Oh?"  
"I feel there is something I must do. I must return from where I came." He stared Lupin in the eye with resolution. "I cannot promise I will return."  
Lupin followed in emptying his hands of his supper. "Is that so?" He scrutinized Goemon's expression for a moment. The man's gaze did not waver. "I see." Lupin sat back in contemplation.  
"Is there a problem with this?"  
Lupin shook his head. "If you're asking if you owe me anything, you don't. I expected this would come someday." He drummed his hands on the table, trying not to look annoyed. Spending one's every day with the same people was quite habit-inducing, but someone like him had no right becoming complacent with his circumstances. "Very well. Are you sure you don't want me to stick around for a bit?"  
Goemon nodded. "This is something I must seek to accomplish on my own."  
Jigen was sick with excitement. It had been so easy and he'd never known. Goemon probably had and was being an ass about it, but he didn't care. The best part was that Goemon would be out of his hair—he'd never have to think about the man ever again, in fact. He kept his head low so as not to give everything away. It was _over_. He poured himself a celebratory drink while the others finished their meals in silence.

Oscar raised an arm to cover his burning face. His arm was heavier than expected, and the surroundings worse smelling than expected. He forced his eyes open and saw that he had fallen asleep by a dumpster. Annoyed, Oscar lugged himself up and told himself he had to stop passing out like that. He patted his pockets and pulled out his cell phone when he came to that particular lump. 43 messages. He only had the thing for Zenigata's sake. "Shit," he muttered, throwing it to the ground and stomping on it. By the time Zenigata figured out how to use the GPS capabilities, he'd be long gone.

Oscar had a destination. He'd started heading that way without thinking about it, but his feet knew exactly where to go. He'd concluded that there was a reason Goemon seemed to figure him out so easily, something reason could explain more than his paranoia could. They had so much more between them; he knew exactly where to go to find Goemon Ishikawa. He just needed a boat, and that boat would be his salvation—his destruction. The taste of dry blood on his lips made the inevitability all the more real, all the more thrilling.

It wasn't a long goodbye. There were few items to pack, mostly the things he'd had to hide as Goemon anyway. He'd caught Lupin trying to covet his sword, but that had been quickly solved. Goemon had taken his ride to the simple life. He had to admit, it was pretty bland. He'd already acquainted himself with the training to take on the role of an Ishikawa, but at least being around Lupin meant being around people with some character. Though mostly desolate, nobody _talked_ there and everyone carried themselves in the most snooty, man-hating way.

He'd endured it for two weeks. He enjoyed his quiet nights, able to dally in his more alarming desires without anyone around to tell him he couldn't. Still, the quiet life wasn't for him. Sitting under a waterfall for hours a day wasn't too exciting, nor even pleasant. He decided he was done for the day, ready to finish another uneventful evening. He was wondering where he'd thrown off his clothes when he heard heavy breathing behind him. Goemon kept his mouth shut while he swallowed the smirk of victory he didn't want to offend the other with just yet. "Aren't you Zenigata's subordinate?" He turned around, forgetting his clothing as he watched Oscar's eyes trail a drop of water down his abs. He was really quiet muscular for being able to pull off the appearance of a lady, something he was proud of. "I'm afraid I don't know why you've followed me here. I resigned my life of crime. I can't help you."

Oscar's lungs were smoldering. After weeks of stop-and-go and evading the police force, he was face-to-face with the enemy. Nothing mattered anymore, yet he was afraid to move his limbs, as if he'd screw it up. As if he could. He'd come too far for that, however.

Goemon pouted his lips a little. Oscar looked pretty ragged, and he could see some old, messy stitches. He'd either been lucky enough to find someone in that place who hadn't told him he was too weak if he couldn't heal with his ki or, more likely, had just done it himself. He had to admit the man had impressive resolve, much more than he'd given him credit for. He walked closer, stepping carefully over the wet rocks. He didn't want to startle his little deer friend. "I thought you might come to see me. Should we continue from where we left off… Kiriko?"

This got Oscar's attention. He wasn't so much surprised as disgusted. Releasing a distressed bark of laughter, he met Goemon's eyes. "So you're like that, you sick bastard. I didn't even need to try so hard." His breath caught for a moment and he tried not to think about why he suddenly felt like crying.  
Goemon's smile was either kind or ravenous. "Don't say that. I very much appreciated the effort."  
Standing before the man, Oscar started to panic. Somehow, catching the deadly enemy in their native environment and assuming that their guard would be down was starting to sound like a terrible plan. He fought to regain control over his movements, forcing out, "Why are you here?"  
Goemon laughed. "Everyone needs a vacation now and then. I think you're long overdue."  
This angered Oscar. "Goemon Ishikawa… Are you ready to die?"  
Goemon caught Oscar's hand before the scalpel in his grip could destroy his organs. "You like playing with knives, don't you? No need to be hasty. We're not playing cops and robbers anymore."  
Oscar's hand shook until the scalpel fell. The man gripped his shoulder lightly and a spark of familiarity jumped up his spine. He'd felt that touch before, and not from that failure of a night. "You're… the other Fujiko," he realized numbly, his thoughts inadvertently spilling from his lips.  
"You do remember!"  
Oscar's eyes fell to the ground. "I failed… even to kill myself. I failed to conjure the one certainty in life." The vividly green grass became a muddled mess to his sight as despair fell from his eyes. He jerked himself away from the man's grip as he fumbled desperately for the previous little bottle hidden in his torn coat. Even in his desperation, it was slapped away before it could reach his lips. He threw a futile punch before falling to his knees. "Why won't you stay out of my business?" he cried, contemplating trying to suck on the tainted grass.

Goemon knelt to Oscar's level, covering the man's open lips with his own as Oscar stared back in confusion. "You'll work to your death, yet you're so quick to give up. Silly boy." The victorious grin settled neatly on his lips. "You know, Jigen isn't such an honorable man. He told me _everything_."  
Guilty eyes searched for answers, as they always had. He hated being so drawn to such a worthless individual, yet even then couldn't keep from being taken in completely.  
"Oscar… Kiriko… Goemon…" Oscar's shoulders jumped beneath his hands. "Whatever you are, whoever you are. You've been after me for a while, haven't you?" Laughing, he said, "What a hopeless narcissist, endlessly chasing the visage of such a fake, imperfect man."  
Oscar continued to tremble, wishing the world would end at that moment. He didn't want to remember. He didn't want to face himself.  
"Well? Do you want me to help you?"  
Oscar didn't want to know what he was talking about, but the man seemed perfectly willing to sit there and wait for an answer. "W-what?"  
"You wanted someone to hold you… like this," Goemon said softly as his arms wrapped around Oscar's lithe, malnourished body. "And touch you where you haven't been touched before…"  
Oscar blushed as the man's finger brushed against the side of his pants. "What kind of perverted things are you thinking, you… crazy criminal."  
Goemon pretended not to notice. "You're good, but your wig was sticking up a little. I can teach you how to fix that. I can give you everything you've ever wanted, Goemon Ishikawa."  
Oscar, who was still puzzled as to what was happening in his life, felt like his heart would burst. "You mean…?"  
Goemon nodded. "I know all of your secrets. We'll have all the little Ishikawas running around threatening things you want. All you have to do is give me what I want." He pulled Oscar in for another kiss, feeling around the ripped excuses for clothing. It had taken some time, but as always, everything had worked out his way.  
Oscar—that is, Goemon, didn't push away. This person was the only one who knew him, the only one who was on his side anymore. Finally, he would keep from shaming his family. Finally, his wild heart could be put at ease.

I always wanted to write a sequel to 'The Honor of Love'! And then the thought of Man-Fujiko taking advantage of Goemon's stupidity was awesome and this came out of it. It turned out a little… something, but hey, that just gets to add to the screwiness. It's great, right? Right? Anyway, thank you to Nani for letting me use her darling Man-Fujiko character, whom… I can't really say has come a long way from trying to rape Lupin, but now he's tried hitting on everyone, so there's that. And. That's all, folks! _Queue ending music…_


End file.
